Teaching on acceptance
What we resist, persists. What we befriend, we transcend.
Tara Brach
Tara Brach

Embracing What Is: The Path to Transcendence

Tara Brach's poignant assertion, "What we resist, persists. What we befriend, we transcend," invites us to reconsider our relationship with discomfort and adversity. At its core, this quote speaks to the profound truth that our struggles often intensify when we fight against them. By acknowledging and embracing our challenges rather than resisting them, we can cultivate a deeper sense of peace and ultimately transcend the very issues that once held us captive. This understanding is not merely philosophical; it is a transformative practice that can lead to genuine healing and growth.

In a world that often encourages us to avoid pain and discomfort, Brach's words serve as a gentle reminder of the power of acceptance. The act of befriending our experiences—whether they be feelings of anxiety, grief, or uncertainty—allows us to engage with them in a way that fosters wisdom and compassion. This approach aligns with the teachings of Buddhism, which emphasize the importance of mindfulness and presence in navigating the complexities of life. By shifting our perspective from resistance to acceptance, we open ourselves to the possibility of transformation and liberation.

The image / the metaphor

The imagery in Brach's quote is rich and evocative, suggesting a dance between resistance and acceptance. The verbs "resist" and "befriend" create a vivid contrast; the former implies a struggle, a tightening of the heart, while the latter evokes warmth, openness, and connection. When we resist, we create a barrier that often leads to suffering, as we cling to our discomfort and deny its existence. In contrast, to befriend our experiences is to approach them with curiosity and compassion, allowing us to explore their depths without judgment.

Diving deeper into this metaphor, we can envision resistance as a heavy weight that drags us down, while befriending is akin to a gentle embrace that lifts us up. This shift in perspective transforms our relationship with our experiences, allowing us to see them not as adversaries but as teachers. By welcoming our challenges, we create space for understanding and insight, ultimately leading to a more profound sense of peace and acceptance. This metaphorical journey from resistance to friendship with our experiences is a central theme in many spiritual traditions, particularly in the context of personal growth and healing.

In the speaker's tradition

Tara Brach's teachings are deeply rooted in Buddhist philosophy, particularly the concepts of mindfulness and acceptance. Central to these teachings is the notion of "dharma," which refers to the natural order of the universe and our place within it. By aligning ourselves with our dharma, we learn to accept the present moment as it is, rather than how we wish it to be. This acceptance is akin to the practice of "kenosis," or self-emptying, where we let go of our preconceived notions and attachments, allowing for a more profound connection with reality.

Living the teaching

Consider a modern scenario where this teaching might resonate: a person facing job loss. Initially, the instinct may be to resist the situation, clinging to the fear of uncertainty and the desire for stability. However, by applying Brach's wisdom, this individual can begin to befriend their feelings of anxiety and insecurity. Instead of pushing these emotions away, they might explore them, asking questions like, "What is this fear trying to teach me?" This process of befriending allows for a deeper understanding of oneself and can lead to new opportunities that may not have been visible through the lens of resistance.

A reflection

As we contemplate the essence of Tara Brach's quote, we are invited to reflect on our own lives: What are the challenges or discomforts that we resist? In what ways might we begin to befriend these experiences, allowing them to guide us toward greater wisdom and acceptance? This contemplative question encourages us to explore the transformative power of acceptance in our daily lives, reminding us that through befriending our struggles, we can transcend them and cultivate a deeper sense of peace.

Tara Brach
AuthorTara Brach

American psychologist and meditation teacher blending Buddhist teachings with Western psychology. Founder of Insight Meditation Community of Washington.

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Frequently Asked Questions

Tara Brach's statement highlights the idea that resisting our emotions or experiences often intensifies them, leading to greater suffering. Instead of pushing away discomfort, she encourages us to embrace it, suggesting that acceptance allows for healing and transformation.
You can apply this teaching by consciously acknowledging your feelings of discomfort or anxiety rather than avoiding them. Take moments to sit with these feelings, explore their origins, and practice self-compassion, which can lead to a deeper understanding and eventual transcendence of those feelings.
Yes, the concept of befriending one's experiences is echoed in various Buddhist texts, particularly in the teachings on mindfulness and acceptance found in the Satipatthana Sutta. These texts emphasize the importance of being present with our thoughts and feelings without judgment.
Resistance involves a struggle against our experiences, often leading to increased suffering, while acceptance is about acknowledging and embracing our experiences as they are. Acceptance allows for a more compassionate engagement with our feelings, fostering growth and understanding.
Mindfulness meditation is a powerful practice that supports living this teaching. By cultivating awareness of our thoughts and feelings without judgment, we can learn to befriend our experiences, allowing for greater acceptance and peace in our lives.

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